With the season coming to a dramatic close, the roller derby faithful filled the Playland Skate Center parking lot in anticipation of the finals. On a warm Sunday evening, the line snaked through the parking lots, twisting around corners and ending at the gate. After playing a game of soccer earlier that day, I was anxious to watch the gals throw down for all the marbles. The obvious question of the night was could the Hotrod Honeys take down the mighty Honky Tonk Heartbreakers? The night was filled with unique introductions including a Chinese dragon skate line by the Hell Marys, a Reservoir Dogs-themed intro by the Hotrod Honeys and a robotic freak-out by the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers. Very entertaining!

3rd PLACE BOUT: HUSTLERS (2-4) V. HELL MARYS (1-5)
As if this bout could get any more ferocious, the Hustlers were here to battle for a bit of dignity after suffering their toughest season to date, and the Hell Marys were looking to punch the Hustlers lights out -- just 'cause that’s how they roll.

The pack started out tight as usual with Dinah-Mite sprinting out in front for the Hustlers. But right after the action started, Dinah-Mite was launched into the crowd by an unknown skater (my angle didn’t permit me to see who it was…sorry!) This immediately stopped the bout, and it looked serious. Dinah-Mite shook it off and tried to get back out there, but it was obvious that she was hurt. The Hustlers would look to their captains Cheap Trixie and Electra Blu to lead them to a victory after losing their star jammer. Meanwhile, Misty Meaner took Ellis Dee out with a nice shot, which was reciprocated on by sweet, sweet Rosie Cheeks. Barbarella avoided a hard shot from Anna Mosity and smoothed right on by. Hissy Fit landed a hard check on Electra Blu. This bout was getting rougher by the minute, it seemed that so many shots were flying I couldn’t scratch them all down on my pad. Nasty Habit seemed to be taking the brunt of the hits for the Hell Marys, but Devil Grrl was dishing them out just as fast. Strawberry did some nice work for the Hell Marys, while Pussy Velour damaged opponents for the Hustlers. Misty Meaner squeaked by a shot from Ellis Dee and enjoyed some killer pivot work from Tinkerhell, allowing Misty Meaner to score. After the end of the 1st period, the Hustlers led 24-13 in what seemed like a very even battle on the track -- although the scoreboard didn't seem to reflect their efforts.

Deadly Cyn started the second half on a mission, and was tearin' it up. Muffin Tumble delivered a hard shot on Electra Blu. Devil Grrl put a wicked shot on Pussy Velour and Sedonya Face. But a nice whip from Dirty Deeds gave Pussy Velour control. The Hell Marys needed points and were getting them back but they had a long way to go. Curvette leveled a tough shot to spring Ellis Dee. Sedonya Face made her aggressive presence felt, and Lady Stardust did the scoring. Tinkerhell and Barbarella got into a scintillating fight as time began to run down. Strawberry got physical with everyone that she got close to! A big parting shot by The Wrench, who will be retiring after this season, was very fitting for her legacy. Cheap Trixie took out Muffin Tumble in a, um... tumble of legs, arms, and skirts... then this one was all over, ladies and gentlemen.

FINAL SCORE: HUSTLERS 40, HELL MARYS 22

CHAMPIONSHIP BOUT: HONKY TONK HEARTBREAKERS (6-0) V. HOTROD HONEYS (3-3)
Well everyone knows that the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers are badass. They went through the entire last season without a loss, and were threatening to do it again. The Hotrod Honeys have what it takes to compete, but the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers seem to have a mental edge over everyone. This was the a now-or-never bout for the gold skate. Cat Tastrophe got off to a fast start as Voodoo Doll made some room. One thing that the Hotrod Honeys couldn’t afford to do was get into penalty situations... but sure enough, Lucky Strike got a penalty for pulling Loose Tooth LuLu to the floor. Speedy Marie had a line on Trouble, but wasn’t speedy enough and whiffed on the shot. TomCat put out a hard hit but got penalized for it. I’ve got to say that Loose Tooth LuLu is a great complement to Trouble when they jam back to back. They bring similar attributes to the line: speed, power, and tenacity. And although Trouble is faster, Loose Tooth LuLu hits harder. That’s one tough combo to face! Crazy Duke got the better of Vendetta VonDutch... who also wound up in the penalty box. Do you see a trend emerging? This is exactly what the Hotrods could not afford to have happen. Slim Kickins was doing her usual ass-kicking routine, but Cat Tastrophe got by her. Belle Starr tried to nail her, but Cat Tastrophe sailed right by and put her down. Buckshot Betsy and her golden bra got out in front and worked the clock. Rice Rocket was doing her best to keep up with Trouble and she got a little help from Eight Track who took out Trouble. A good block from TomCat and a strong whip from Eight Track pushed Cat Tastrophe out in front of Lulu. Just as Lulu was gaining on Cat Tastrophe, Vendetta VonDutch dished out a rough -- dare I say dirty -- takedown. Guess what? Penalty box. Lucille Brawl brought them back into contention... after Crazy Duke got sent to the box and Lucille got a strong whip from Melicious. A great flurry of hits was on display to end the first period, and at the half we had a very tight match, as the Honkty Tonk Heartbreakers were leading the Hotrods by just three points: 28-25.

Trouble opened the scoring in the second half and jumped right out in front of the pack. Cat Tastrophe and Slim Kickins battled hard at the pivot position. Rice Rocket tried her luck against Buckshot Betsy and got a great whip from TomCat to spring her. Hydra finished Buckshot Betsy off to preserve the points. When Sparkle Plenty and Cat Tastrophe go helmet-to-helmet, you know it’s going to be fast and heated! Cat Tastrophe snuck away with the points, and the crowd grew louder and louder. Some were wondering if there was an upset looming. Lucky Strike put a tough hit on the golden-voiced Jen Entonic, but Slim Kickins opened up a lane for Trouble to score through. Derringer took a spill trying to take out Cat Tastrophe. Cat Tastrophe brings her A-game to every bout, and this night was no exception; she was causing fits for the Heartbreakers. Pixie Tourette took the 1-2 punch from Trouble then Lulu, while Bettie Rage whipped Sparkle Plenty into the lead. Dagger Deb and Derringer got caught up together -- and they're a dangerous twosome to tangle with. Trouble again scored after another fine whip by Slim Kickins. Riff Scandell and Belle Starr got it on in a heavy-duty scrap, and the clock began to wind down. Like 2004, 2005 belonged to the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers -- and 2006 is theirs until someone steps up and takes it away from them.

FINAL SCORE: HONKY TONK HEARTBREAKERS 53, HOTROD HONEYS 42

A big congratulations to the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers for doing it again, y’all are amazing! Great season to all the teams; everyone played their asses off. Thanks for reading, hope to see you around the beer joints!