After a long hiatus I finally found myself back in that old familiar seat right alongside the track at Austin’s Playland Skate Center for Match Day 5 of the Texas Rollergirls season. Having missed all the action up to this point, I know that I have some serious ground to cover, with new players, trades, players that no longer participate, injuries absentees and the like. Just to catch everyone up in roller derby land, going into this bout the Honkey Tonk Heartbreakers were undefeated (since 2004) at 4-0, the Hotrod Honeys were 3-1, the Hustlers were 1-3 and the Hell Marys were still living in hell as the only winless team 0-4. Would all that change? Could someone finally knock those curvaceous cowgirls off their high horse?

BOUT 1: HELL MARYS V. HUSTLERS
As I said earlier, the Hell Marys have been trying to get over the hump all season long but have just not been able to get in the win column. Well this night looked like it would be as good a chance as any as the Hustler’s star Dinah-Mite was not skating. Additionally, Sedonya Face, a consummate hitter and physical presence was not skating as well. But Devil Grrl wasn’t skating for the Hell Marys either, so we’d have to see how that affected her team. The action started off fierce as usual, with Bloody Mary squeaking by Electra Blue to get the scoring started. A miscue between Reyna Terror and Lady Stardust allowed the Marys to get a few more points on the board courtesy of Bunny Rabid. A great whip by Barbarella shot her teammate through the pack past Muffin Tumble, who was working hard for the Hell Marys. The Crusher took a pretty hard shot on Electra Blue and soon paid for it as the feisty Curvette put her down. New to the Hustlers, Ellis Dee was laying some nice hits in the pivot. The Crusher looked like she was hunting someone down but instead got caught up with Bloody Mary whose skate came cracking across the bridge of her nose. It’s not a roller derby without beer and blood and at this point, both were flowing! Even after losing the Crusher, the Hell Marys looked very strong in the first half, holding the lead.

The second half saw the Hell Marys come storming out of the gates with a focused intensity of a team on a mission. Their mission was to get a win that night! Cheap Trixie put a hot shot on Bunny Rabid and her cotton tail hit the track. After having not jammed in the first half, Strawberry made an appearance in the scoring position. Notable to me was the Hustler’s Ellis Dee who seemed to be making plays all over the track. To top it off, she started jamming and was pretty effective. She will be a big time player in this league. The Hustler’s Pussy Velour was getting more and more agro as the action began to heat up, and Barbarella was putting in some serious work this evening. As Bloody Mary came flying around the corner, Barbarella destroyed her and I’ve got to say this was a rated R for raw type takedown, skin, legs, fists flying…all in a sweaty pile, whew! The people in the front row got their money’s worth that’s for sure. After a couple more jams, Bloody would get back at Barbarella but what was happening? The Hell Marys were holding onto a lead. The clock becomes a factor at about the 2-minute mark and the Marys had reached it with the lead. The winless curse was broken; the Hell Marys had joined the ranks of the winners for 2005.

FINAL SCORE: HELL MARYS 28 HUSTLERS 22

BOUT 2: HONKY TONK HEARTBREAKERS V. HOTROD HONEYS
The Honky Tonk Heartbreakers are one hell of a team; let’s just get that out there now. They have not lost a game since 2003…holy shit. But there’s always a time and a place for things like this to change. The action started out as fast as ever, with one of the league’s fastest skaters, Trouble, getting it going for the Heartbreakers. What the Heartbreakers do so well is get out in front and make their opponents climb uphill to get back in the game. Well, today was no different and their lead began to grow. But it was not going to get out of control if Cat Tastrophe had anything to do with it. She slipped briefly but sprang through after a nice hole opened courtesy of Eight Track. Hydra was working hard to keep the action physical. Of course as the physicality escalated tempers began to flare. Belle Star took down her own gal allowing Lucille Brawl to come through and gain some points back. Dagger Deb was doing her part, throwing lots of elbows. Crazy Duke was putting girls on their butts making room for her teammates to get through. Melicious was doing some work but Sparkle Plenty blew by her to get points back for the Heartbreakers. Then in one of the most heated exchanges of the night, Belle Star approached Cat talking a bunch of trash. That’s when Cat dropped her like a bad transmission. And when Belle got back up and came back for more; same thing…drop! I don’t think there was any love lost between those two. The Honeys had a small lead going into the break, but could they hold on?
Lucille Brawl got off to a good start getting points by sliding aggressively through Sparkle and Slim Kickins. After some clutching and grabbing the Honeys made a big mistake as Cat was sent to the box while jamming. This made it very easy for the Heartbreakers to gain an advantage. Slim Kickins had an especially effective game as she whipped Sparkle through for more points. Loosetooth Lulu was cruising right along until she was sent to the penalty box, evening the score for the Honeys who capitalized on the absent jammer. But guess who came back through and sped her way to lead jammer status…you guessed it, here comes Trouble. Buckshot put on a sweet move to slide past the Rice Rocket. Nice job by Lulu in helping her through. As the clock began to wind down, the Heartbreakers were executing like clockwork, scoring points and wasting time only until the inevitable sound of the buzzer. And the streak remained in tact as the Hotrod Honeys could not hold off the surging Honky Tonk Heartbreakers.

FINAL SCORE: HONKY TONK HEARTBREAKERS 51 HOTROD HONEYS 38