Emily Post suggests the following behaviors for a good hostess: "As soon as her guests appear, the hostess at once rises, goes forward smiling, shakes hands and tells them how glad she is that they have safely come." If Emily Post were one of the Texas Rollergirls, the sentence would end with "and then she opens up a ten-gallon drum of whoop ass on them."

The Texas Rollergirls hosted the Tucson Roller Derby Saddletramps on Saturday night in a bout between two of the premier leagues in flat track rollerderby. Texas Rollergirls assembled a team of their fastest, toughest and most ill-tempered skaters to defend their claim as the "gold standard" of flat track rollerderby.

When the two leagues met last year, the Texas Rollergirls dominated from the opening horn, and Tucson never as much as held a lead. But the Saddletramps have been working their shapely butts off since then and on Saturday unleashed a more aggressive and physical style of play. At the end of the second jam, Tucson held a 4-3 lead. Were we witnessing the end of Texas Rollergirl flat track domination? Had the rest of the flat track world caught up?

The Texas Rollergirls answered with a resounding "go f*ck yourself " by tightening the pack, playing like linebackers and lighting up the scoreboard for a 15-2 run over the next two jams. The lead was amassed in the trenches with Texas blockers and pivots bulldozing holes and knocking Tucson’s jammers off the track and out of their saddles.

The Texas Rollergirls started the roller derby resurgence that has now spread to nearly 40 leagues across the county, and their experience was apparent in this bout. During an eight-point jam, Lucille Brawl whipped Loose Tooth Lulu past Tucson’s pivot and into the lead jammer position. With the pack tightly bunched, Tinkerhell shoved Buckshot Betsy through a gap, splitting two blockers.

The physicality of the bout boiled over into a fight, forcing Texas to start the final period of the half with Lucille Brawl, its jammer, stuck in the penalty box. Arizona sent their best jammer, Bitch Cassidy, onto the track as the only one able to score points but she couldn’t handle the gauntlet of 8 Track, Trouble, Loose Tooth Lulu, and Slim Kickins. Lucille roared back onto the track when the penalty expired and the jam ended with both teams having scored, amazingly, an equal number of points.

The halftime score was 46-22, Texas Rollergirls. But both teams had clawed, battled and bruised their way through a very fast-paced first half and Rollergirl stamina would be tested in the second.

Rollergirls from at least four other leagues traveled to Austin to witness this bout and see for themselves what the highest level of the sport looks like. The Texas Rollergirls put on a clinic for them and their jamming was a study in contrasts. Whereas Trouble and Buckshot Betsy wove in and out of the pack like slalom skiers, Catastrophe and Lucille Brawl attacked potential blockers and steamrolled them out of the way. Tucson’s blockers, some of the best on skates, spent the night either whiffing or taking the brunt of a hit.

As the second half neared its end, tempers again flared. Tucson’s Doe Holliday picked a fight with Slim Kickins, 8 Track and pretty much every Texas Rollergirl. Her feistiness earned her the Saddletramps’ MVP award but it wasn’t enough to sway the outcome. By the end of the bout, it was clear who still owns the flat track. Skating to a final score of 81-45 behind game MVP Trouble, the Texas Rollergirls defended their home turf and solidified their position as the queens of the sport.

Next up for the TXRG travel team is the 2006 Dust Devil National Championship in February. For the first time ever, rollergirls from across the nation will come together for three days and nights of flat track mayhem to crown one team as national champions. From what we saw on Saturday night at Playland, it’ll take a lot to knock out the heavyweights from Austin.

FINAL SCORE: Texas Rollergirls 81, Tucson Saddletramps 45

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Texas Rollergirls Travel Team Roster
4 - Hydra, Captain
00 - Sparkle Plenty, Co-Captain
4 - Bloody Mary
4X4 - Loose Tooth LuLu
08 - Eight Track
10 - Trouble
21 - Buckshot Betsy
22 - Slim Kickins
23 - Tinkerhell
.44 - Derringer 44
56 - Lucille Brawl
66 - Barbarella
XX - Cat Tastrophe
3e8 - Rice Rocket, Manager
13 - Jen Entonic, Manager

Tucson Saddletramps Roster
666 - Jezze Jamez, Captain
13 - Wyatt Eeka, Co-Captain
8 - Flo on the Range
14 - Zoe Bowie
16 - Hoot'n Annie
18 - The Bad
186 - Nockka Ho Down
241 - Fisti the Kid
333 - Doe Holliday
986 - Randi Canyon
.30 - Bitch Cassidy
I4I - Ridin' Anya
RIP - Tombstone Teri