Last to First Journey Finished by Hell Marys
Bout recap by Phil Arnold

August 5, 2007

The Hell Marys completed an amazing last to first turnaround, as four previous last place finishes were buried in the league history books as they beat the Hotrod Honeys 79-70 to win the Texas Rollergirls championship Sunday night. In the consolation game the Hustlers dominated a scrappy Honky Tonk Heartbreaker club, 78-25.

The Hell Marys jumped out quickly to a 7-0 lead as rookie Lady X scored four points on the first jam, and Buckshot Betsy added three points in the second jam. But this would be no easy game for the Hell Marys. The Honeys would strike back with Cat Tastrophe scoring four points to narrow the lead down to three points in the fifth jam.

The score would go back and forth with the Hell Marys having a nine point lead before going into the most controversial jam of the night, the 12th jam of the first half.

Rice Rocket would start out jamming for the Hotrods against Lady X. She would break out to a lead jammer status and make an initial pass for four or five points. But then the jammer helmet cover would come off in the fourth turn. Apparently Rice Rocket did not know it was gone. And while she would make a second pack pass, and try to call off the jam, neither the points would count or the jam be called off because she didn’t have her helmet cover on.

What ever had happened in that jam, the Hotrod Honeys fans thought their team had just scored a mass of points, and by the end the next jam, points had been taken off the board by the officials, and nobody in the crowd seemed to know what the score really was. The Hell Marys had scored seven points in jam 12 and the Honeys had scored only four points.

A large faction of Honey fans at Playland Skate Center were not happy and started a derisive chant typical of what fans chant at other sporting events when not happy with officials. While the Hotrod fans weren’t happy, a large segment of Hell Marys fans were thrilled to see their team increase their lead to thirteen points by the end of the period as the Sisters of Perpetual Disarray led at half time 47-34 and were threatening to run away with the championship game.

The Honeys would have none of that though, and came out on fire in the second period. Rice Rocket, Lucille Brawl, and Cat Tastrophe scoring the first nine points of the half, while again the team in black’s defense shutout the plaid clad skaters. In three jams a thirteen point lead had been narrowed down to a four point lead, and the Hotrod Honeys fans were back into being their “Faster, Faster, Kill, Kill, Kill” selves.

Sparkle Plenty would prove why she was 2006 league MVP on the fourth jam. Even though the Honey jammer got lead jammer status, Sparkle would trail her through the pack the first time around the track, and then would pass her to actually outscore the Honeys jammer 8-7 and at least partially break the momentum of the team in black’s comeback. The Hell Marys would draw that lead out again by jam seven on a 3-0 jam by Bloody Mary to 59-51 margin, but first Cat Tastrophe and then Vicious Van Gogo would pull consecutive 4-2 jams over the school girls in plaid to close the lead back down to four points.

Again Bloody Mary and then Buckshot Betsy would step up with crucial points in jams to increase the lead back to ten points, 70-60 at the end of the 12th jam. Then Lucille Brawl would throw in a three-point jam while the Honeys defense was shutting out the HMs to narrow the lead down to six points in the 14th jam of the final period. Rookie Lady X would then step up for the Hell Marys and score maybe the biggest three points of the game. By the time the fifteenth jam was over the team in plaid was up to a nine point lead again, and it was desperation time for the Hotrod Honeys.

With 2:06 left in the bout, it was desperation time for Lucille Brawl, who started out taking lead jammer status. But following right behind her out of the pack was Sparkle Plenty. And while Lucille made a pass of the pack, so did Sparkle and by the time the jam was called off the nine point margin was intact for the Hell Marys and only 36 seconds was left on the clock. That meant that there was no way the blazing Rice Rocket could score that many points and the perennial last place Hell Marys fans started their raucous celebration as the clock ran out, with the scoreboard showing 79-70.

Leading scorer for the Hell Marys was Sparkle Plenty with 29 points, followed by rookie Lady X with 23 points. Bloody Mary added 14 points and Buckshot Betsy threw in 13 points. Top blockers for the team in plaid included Derringer, who constantly disrupted the team defensive blocking patterns of the Hotrod Honeys, which helped her jammers to score. Lady X and Sparkle Plenty also did a good job defensively when they were in at the pivot positions. Other outstanding blockers included Muffin Tumble, Apocalippz, and Beattitude.

The top scorer for the Hotrod Honeys was Rice Rocket with 23 points, followed by Cat Tastrophe with 20 points. Rookie Vicious Van Gogo, who had not jammed since the May bout against Houston, scored 17 points in only three jams. Lucille Brawl added ten points all in the second half to help fuel the Honeys comeback. Top blockers for the team included retiring veterans Dagger Deb and Tinkerhell, and second year skater Miso Fresh.

In the first game, the Hustlers jumped out to a quick 16-2 lead after three jams over the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers and never looked back blazing to a 49-12 halftime lead. No doubt it was the highest scoring half of the year for the 70’s Divas, and one of the best-played halves in the last two years for the team. The Hustlers would continue their scoring ways in the second half, although the Heartbreakers would come out with some serious blocking knockdowns just to let the Hustlers know this match was not going to be a skate through the park.

Retiring skater Dinah Mite jammed the last jam of the night, and said goodnight to league all star jammer Trouble with a jammer takeout, and then proceeded to score two points before she cut off the jam to a loud standing ovation from many of the fans a Playland Skate Center. Olivia Shootin’ John showed why she is one of the best rookie jammers in the league scoring 16 of her team’s 25 total points.

Dinah Mite led the team in purple with 25 points, followed by another skater who was skating her last game, Pussy Velour, who finished with 14 points. Barbarella added 12 points to her team’s total of 79 points, and rookie Das-It contributed 10 more points. Leading blockers for the Hustlers included Slim Kickins, Curvette, and Captain Sedonya Face.

Olivia Shootin’ John was high scorer for the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers, with no other jammer able to score more than four points. Moonshine had a good night of blocking for the Heartbreakers, and rookie Choctawesome was able to open up some lanes for her jammers. Belle Starr also had a solid blocking night for the Heartbreakers.

There has been a substantial sea change in the Texas Rollergirls in 2007. The dominant color has gone from Blue-Jean blue to red plaid as the perpetual cellar dwelling Hell Marys are now the champs after a tough fought, and thoroughly satisfying 79-70 win over the previously undefeated Hotrod Honeys.

The next action for the Texas Rollergirls will be their all star team the Texecutioners traveling to Raleigh, North Carolina for an Interleague bout on September 15th, and then the WFTDA National Championships hosted at the Austin Convention Center on September 29th and 30th. For more information on the Nationals in Austin, please visit the Texas Shootout web site at http://www.wftdachampionships.com/.

Phil Arnold,
Austin, Texas

Special Thanks to our Musical Guests:
Those Peabodys, Sasquatch and the Sick-a-billys, DJ Net Wt.