Honky Tonk Heartbreakers v. Derby Liberation Front (Rat City Rollergirls)
Hustlers v. Hotrod Honeys
May 7, 2006

By Mo Peters

The Texas Rollergirls have never lost an interleague bout, but on Sunday they had their dominance threatened by a team of revolutionaries from Seattle. The Derby Liberation Front are the champions of the Rat City Rollergirls, one of the sport’s most established leagues, and they skated onto the track with raised fist and a determination to bring down “the man.” But in the world of Flat Track Roller Derby, “the man” is a woman -- and she’s a Texas Rollergirl.

By winning the 2005 league championship, the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers earned the right to defend Texas Rollergirls’ undefeated interleague record, and they did so like they were defending the Alamo. The bout started with an explosion of scoring by the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers, including a whirlwind 11-point jam by superstar Buckshot Betsy. After only three jams, the hometown Heartbreakers were leading by an incredible 19-0.

The Texas Rollergirls skate at a feverish pace unfamiliar to girls from other leagues, and the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers sped to the lead jammer position in each of the first seven jams. But the revolution was not to be kept down, and the Derby Liberation Front fought hard against their oppressors from Austin. Meg MyDay showed that she’s able to skate with anyone and broke through the pack for the first big scoring jam for the DLF.

At the end of the first half, Buckshot Betsy took one in the face from the DLF’s pivot. In true form, Buckshot responded with a middle finger reminder of which league is number one.

Halftime score: 40-19 Honky Tonk Heartbreakers.

The infestation from Rat City got worse in the second half as the Derby Liberation Front seemed more comfortable with both the pace and the physicality of the bout. In the second jam of the half, the always-tough Devil Grrl took a night-ending hit from D Bomb, Rat City’s most feared skater. This led to a string of six straight jams where the DLF captured lead jammer position to bring the Heartbreakers’ lead to within 12.

The second half saw the two teams skating essentially evenly. While the final score was 63-47 Honky Tonk Heartbreakers, it appears that the rest of the Flat Track world might be catching up to the Texas Rollergirls. For the time being, though, the Texas Rollergirls exercised their homeland security and the legion of revolutionaries from Seattle have been put down.

Final Score: Honky Tonk Heartbreakers, 63 – Derby Liberation Front, 47

Game MVPs
Ann R. Kissed of the Derby Liberation Front
Sparkle Plenty of the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers

And give it up for the fan favorite, Da Bomb of the Derby Liberation Front.

The opening bout featured the Hotrod Honeys and the Hustlers with plenty at stake for both squads. For the Honeys, who began the season with a shocking upset of the Honky Tonk Hearbreakers and have been skating in overdrive ever since, a win would clinch a spot in the league’s championship bout. For the Hustlers, anything but a win would likely knock them off the dance floor.

Play was hugely aggressive from the opening horn, including a sandwiching of Rice Rocket by Dirty Deeds and Curvette. Late in the first half, Barbarella took a swing at Vendetta Von Dutch as they were falling out of bounds and Vendetta responded with a strong shove in the back. The move earned the always-volatile Vendetta a seat in the penalty box, which she blew up with a barrage of F-bombs.

From there, gloves were off and bad blood carried the day. As the referees tried to regain control of the game, the naughty box was filled with babes and bad attitudes. At one point, the Hustlers were forced to start a jam with more skaters in the penalty box than on the track. This came at a cost, as the half ended with the Hotrod Honeys extending their lead to 33-12.

The second half highlighted the Honeys’ ability to harness their aggression and turn it into points. At one point, Eight Track managed to, in one move, knock Dinah-Mite off the track and whip Rice Rocket around the outside and into the lead jammer position.

Another second half highlight was a jam between Cat Tastrophe and Dinah-Mite, two Flat Track fullbacks. Watching them jam against each other was like watching a fight between a shark and a bear. Fittingly, both skaters scored equally and the only losers were whoever got in their way. Tallying a 61-38 victory, the Hotrod Honeys continue to look like the team to beat in 2006.

Final Score: Hotrod Honeys, 61 – Hustlers, 38