The Honky Tonk Heartbreakers are the juggernaut dynasty of Texas Rollergirls. So dominant and so cocky, the Heartbreakers have spent back-to-back undefeated seasons swinging around the flat track like a five-bitch wrecking ball. Intimidating? God, yes. But on the gala opening night of the 2006 season, the Hotrod Honeys turned the key on a swagger of their own. Ladies, start your engines…

The Texas Rollergirls got back to hitting each other after dominating all comers at the National Flat Track Derby Championships in Tucson, Arizona. The headlining bout at Playland Skate Center between the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers and the Hotrod Honeys was a rematch of the 2005 championship, and the Heartbreakers started where they left off by jumping out to a 7-0 lead.

But the Hotrod Honeys were an engine that was just warming up. To beat the Heartbreakers, you’ve got to match their team speed, and the Honeys found a whole new gear behind motor-babes Lucille Brawl, Cat Tastophe, and Rice Rocket, who skated all night like she was propelled with jet fuel.

Down 17-9, Cat Tastrophe and Rice Rocket combined for a whopping 21 points in only two jams to take a 30-24 lead. From there, Eight Track led a defensive lock-down for the Honeys and held the champs scoreless in three of the final five jams of the first half for a 40-31 halftime advantage.

Early in the second half, the Heartbreakers showed a taste of their infamous attitude when Trouble shot through the pack and then turned to wave goodbye at pursuing Hotrod Honeys. But while she racked up eight points in the jam, Cat Tastrophe kept pace with eight points of her own. This was not going to be a typical Heartbreakers bout.

Usually explosive offensively, the Heartbreakers were held to only 10 points over the next nine jams. Tomcat, Hydra, and the pack of Honeys were an impenetrable wall, crushing any attempt at a comeback with tough, active blocking. Clock winding down the final minutes, crowd on its feet, the Hotrod Honeys raced to the checkered flag for what might be the greatest upset in the history of Texas Rollergirls. You expected play-by-play announcer Whiskey L’Amour to pull an Al Michaels: “Do you believe in Miracles? Yes!”

Final Score: Hotrod Honeys 74 - Honky Tonk Heartbreakers 59

The opening bout featured the Hell Marys against the Hustlers in the return of fan favorite and bionic woman Dinah-Mite, who tore her ACL in the final bout of 2005. After several months of intense rehab, Dinah-Mite was scheduled to skate but not jam -- a plan that lasted only until her first taste of competition. Either feeling good or succumbing to adrenaline, Dinah-Mite roared back into the flat track derby spotlight with high-scoring, high-octane jamming.

For the Hustlers, the night also featured the debut of Rollin’ Sweet, who on her very first jam outpaced all-star Blood Mary for lead jammer. Rollin’ Sweet is one of six new Texas Rollergirls to the league, all of whom come ready to play.

But the story in this bout was the Hell Marys. Skating to a 33-32 halftime lead, Misty Meaner and the Hell Marys widened the gap in the second half with a seven point jam. Moments later, Bunny Rabid had her cute little bunny tail ripped off her even-cuter butt by Hustler Ellis Dee, who paraded it around the track like a trophy. Seeking revenge, the Hell Marys had their naughty prayers answered and broke a 50-50 tie by rattling off the final 14 points.

Final Score: Hell Marys 64 - Hustlers 50

It was a dramatic night of upsets at Playland. After dominating every other Flat Track league in America two weeks earlier, the Texas Rollergirls came home to find that their toughest competition is each other. Fasten your seatbelts for a great 2006 season.