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This is Where the Magic Happens; It’s the Texas Rollergirls Finals! By Robert Malina

Texas Rollergirls Public Bout - CHAMPIONSHIP
Sunday October 24,2004
Live Music: The Spits, The Boom-Chica-Boom Go-Go Dancers and Karaoke Apocalypse with The Dead Motley Sex Maidens

AUSTIN, TX – Sunday October 24,2004- As the season prepared to come to a close, the Texas Rollergirls greeted the many anxious fans at Playland Skate Center, home of the flat track action that is Texas Rollergirls. After a long and sometimes grueling season, the final bouts had arrived. The Honky Tonk Heartbreakers would attempt to run the table for their first championship, but they’d have to get by the defending champion Hustlers. Meanwhile, the Hotrod Honeys would look to take something positive away from a hard losing season by squaring off with the Hell Marys in the third place bout.

3RD PLACE BOUT HOTROD HONEYS V. HELL MARYS
The action started fast and furiously…would you expect anything else? Two of the foxiest skaters, Misty Meaner and Cat Tastrophe (Catstro for the night) got the action rolling. The Blade went after Cat to try and block her but Cat avoided it and called off the jam. Dottie Karate and Muffin Tumble, relative newcomers to the jammer spot, fought hard for points but after a whip from Hydra, Dottie Karate sprung through. Lucille Brawl (Lucillini for the night) got a quick move past Bloody Mary followed by a nice bit of work from Cat in the pivot. The Wrench put a big hit on Hydra and Strawberry got the points for the Marys. Melicious and Bunny Rabid scrapped away fighting for the precious points and Mel came away with the advantage. The bout was very close at this point and the girls were doing what they had to do to get advantages. Tinkerhell took down Lucille Brawl, but she popped back up. Bloody Mary took the next jam after Cat went over the line in going around the corner. Devil Grrl took the jammer spot next and absolutely dominated Dottie Karate after shaking some big hits. Tinkerhell and Hydra crashed together viciously and this one was definitely getting hot. The Marys took a large lead after this jam due to the scoring of Devil Grrl. Speedy Marie scored some points for the Honeys when they needed it but the time on this period was running out. Strawberry decided that she would prefer to take Lucillini out rather than skate out the period but that back fired and resulted in SWATs to the backside of both skaters. The same two ran out the clock and Anna Mosity got into it with Hydra. END OF 1ST PERIOD: HOTROD HONEYS 14 – HELL MARYS 22

2ND PERIOD
Bloody Mary and Cat started the jamming but the action hardly started when a full-squad brawl broke out. Voodoo Doll, who was not skating in this bout, got involved, which is a big no-no and found herself ejected. After a strong shot from Hydra, Cat got loose only to find Tinkerhell waiting to knock her down. Lucille Brawl did a nice job of scoring in the next jam. Dottie Karate was threatening to gain even more points for the Honeys when Annie Social launched her into the crowd…LIFT!! White Lightnin’ was eye balling Strawberry looking to land a good shot and she did, but ‘lil Straw jumped right back up and kept the scoring going for the Marys, which did not bode well for the Honeys. Misty Meaner extended the lead after beating Melicious in a lopsided jam. Lucky Strike and Muffin Tumble got the action a bit more heated with a scrum that fired up the crowd. In the next jam, Cat got out in front to score some more points, then White Lightnin’ was called for a foul that she disagreed with. While jawing with the ref, Julio E. Glasses put the microphone into the argument. The next thing we heard was White Lightnin’ saying, “If y’all can’t do your job, then I’ll do it for you.” It was at that point that she stripped her shirt off to reveal a referee jersey, replete with a whistle! Speedy Marie took Anna Mosity out right by the SWAT team in brutal fashion. The deficit continued to grow for the Honeys and it was not looking good. As time ran out, Tomcat leveled a big hit on Annie Social, finishing out the season in physical form. Frustrating as it was for the Hotrod Honeys, they simply didn’t have the depth or overall talent to excel in the league, meanwhile the Hell Marys had a decent season deserving of the 3rd place finish. FINAL SCORE: HOTROD HONEYS 36 – HELL MARYS 46

CHAMPIONSHIP BOUT HUSTLERS V. HONKY TONK HEARTBREAKERS
The Hustlers looked serious and fired up leading up to their shot at defending the crown. The bout started off with a bang as 8-Track sent Loose Tooth Lulu soaring into the crowd, allowing Electra Blu to score. Dinah-Mite, decked out with a black stripe across her eyes was flying through the pack leaving bodies in her wake. Buckshot Betsy tried to keep her back with a shot but Dinah-Mite was the one dishing out the shots, as Buckshot went into the stands. The intensity level was evident immediately in this one as the stakes could not have been higher. Sparkle Plenty took on Lady Stardust in a tenuous jam that didn’t have a lead jammer until time was almost out. Bettie Rage took Barbarella out to spring Buckshot but Barbarella didn’t take it very well and began beating her ass. The scoring for the Hustlers was minimal whereas when the Heartbreakers were getting points, they were getting huge chunks, making it very difficult on the Hustlers. The girls were really jawing at each other and it was very evident that the intensity level was kicked up a notch. Buckshot went after 8-Track but there was something odd about her. Earlier in the bout 8-Track had a new uniform on, but now as she was being jumped by Buckshot, she had her old uniform on. That was because it was Devil Grrl in disguise! Trouble pounded out some points for the Honky Tonks who had begun to take control of the bout. In the final jam of the period Lulu did a great job of keeping Dinah-Mite looking over her shoulder. END OF PERIOD: HUSTLERS 17 – HONKEY TONK HEARTBREAKERS 32

2ND PERIOD
Trouble got the period started by flying through the pack to score more points for the Heartbreakers. The Honky Tonk Heartbreakers had a strong lead going into the final period but they looked determined to put this one away as soon as possible. Sparkle got a good lead with some help from Buckshot. Dinah-Mite is obviously a dominant skater, but she could not do everything on her own. Not that the Hustlers weren’t all playing as a team, it’s just that the Honky Tonks were very effective at neutralizing all but Dinah-Mite. Sedonya Face, rocking a nasty mullet, got it on with Slim Kickins and these two were tangling. Bettie Rage got thrown in the penalty box for tripping after she pulled a dive in front of Trouble. Buckshot Betsy took out 8-Track who then jumped up and planted Trouble in the stands. Electra Blu went after Lulu but Lulu took the high road and would not fight her. The Honky Tonks were beginning to see the trophy at the end of the tunnel as the Hustlers began to wear down. Lulu came through with some solid clock eating skating that produced points as well. Dinah-Mite’s performance on this night has to be recognized as one of the more dominant performances of the season in a losing effort. The Honky Tonk Heartbreakers skated away the final ticks of the clock and with that took home the trophy with an absolutely flawless, undefeated season. Congratulations to all that participated throughout the season. FINAL SCORE: HUSTLERS 49 – HONKY TONK HEARTBREAKERS 61